The Heat is ON for Prominent Hand Dryer Company

"A person shouldn't have to choose between wet hands or a pig snout."

- Rufus Peck

The Turbo Demon Hand Dryer Company breathlessly awaits the verdict in their defense against plaintiff, Rufus Peck.

Mr. Peck is seeking damages after using the company’s latest dryer model, "The Cyclone Demon from Hell," at the Corn Mountain Hotel Restaurant. According to court record, Mr. Peck went to dry his hands, failing to notice the nozzle’s faulty, upturned orientation. The plaintiff claims that the blast of air from the dryer hit his face with the force of a jet engine, billowing his nostrils and knocking them right up into what now resembles a pig snout.

“Like that hot McDonalds coffee incident years ago,” Peck grunted. “This was just over the top.”

While it’s undeniable that Mr. Peck’s nose is indeed piggish — with oversized nostrils that flare like a flugelhorn, exposing a tangle of hair and two well-formed polyps — photos of the plaintiff before and after the hand dryer incident reveal that his nose was, without question, “already like that.”

To prove their point, the defense team consulted with Dr. W. E. Brandt, the world’s preeminent porcine nasal specialist. After careful review, involving snout measurements and additional photographic comparison, Dr. Brandt diagnosed Mr. Peck’s medical condition as “Sicut iam illud.” (Translation: “Already like that.”)

“So, if you want to sue someone, sue your parents,” claimed one attorney for the defendant. “Or God!” added another, drawing snorts of laughter throughout the gallery.

Conditions remain tense in the courtroom as both parties anticipate the final verdict. To calm his jittery nerves whilst waiting, Mr. Peck left for a walk. Sources indicate he was headed to the market for some roast beef.

Stay tuned.